Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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