Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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