I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He shit in the fireplace
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
