Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
