drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
