I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
