The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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