I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
