I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize