I think i peed on brittanys purse
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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