he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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