end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
