It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize