Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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