It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
