i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
