i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
