We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
