Me too!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
