Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
