thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
