My brain says no but my pants say off.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
