My brain says no but my pants say off.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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