Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
