I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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