apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
