I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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