so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
