my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
