I accidentally burped into my bong.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
