Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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