My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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