it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I want her autograph on my taint
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just pee around me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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