I'm eating all of the evidence.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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