I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
