Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
