god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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