just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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