you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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