She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
