Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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