fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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