Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize