I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Found your dick twin last night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
