I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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