don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
