i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He better not be in your backpack
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
