.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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