Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
