hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
