I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
