My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
