I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
