i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
