Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
