the day after is always just damage control
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
