I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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