Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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