So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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