Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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