when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
