God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
