So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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