I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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