dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
