In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
