How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
