I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
